Hide and Go Shriek

Hide and Go Shriek begins with a guy carefully applying lipstick, eye shadow, and a fedora before heading out in search of some action.  This is done in close-ups and point-of-view shots so we do not yet know how this man looks.  We can only guess the answer is "not good," judging by the repulsed reactions of the prostitutes he seeks.  Finally finding one who is willing to spend time with him, the guy takes her to a dark alley and knifes her.  She moans slightly, emitting an "ooh" or "eh" sound, before silently crumpling to the ground.

After the opening credits, two guys are working out.  One asks the other to join him in the showers, but, seeing the reluctant look on his pal's face, he urges his friend to "come on," and wags a half-eaten banana in front of his face.  These two make up one-fourth of our group of protagonists, "Eight fabulous friends who got through high school and are going to do great things!" as one over-excitedly exclaims.  First on their list of great things to do is camping out at the furniture store one of their dads owns.  But little do they know they are not alone.

Yes, this truly is a cheesy '80s slasher.  The fashions date the film terribly.  The boys wear suspenders, giant shades, and, in one case, a hideous red/blue/white/yellow/orange-striped button-down shirt over a T-shirt with a penguin on the front.  The girls, meanwhile, are rocking the sideways ponytails with pink bows and hair clips, dinosaur earrings, and half-shirts showcasing their underboobs.  Three of the four girls also follow the hallowed slasher tradition of taking their tops off; one, the so-called virgin of the group, even does a sexy striptease for her boyfriend.  Just in case anyone questions where she learned this, she explains, "I saw that in a porno."

Further dating the film is the music.  As the teens prepare to make their way to the furniture store, a character says, "Everybody, let's..."  "WALK THIS WAY!" the remaining teens joyously exclaim, and "Walk This Way" blares through the speakers.  But this is not Aerosmith's "Walk This Way;" this is, instead, a synth-rock instrumental version of "Walk This Way," and it is delightfully lame.

The acting consists of people wildly screaming and running around, and not just during the chase/kill scenes.  One dude in particular seems to think acting means shouting his lines as loud as he can, bellowing "What's the big DEAL?  Your dad owns the STORE!", mispronouncing "store" as "STOI-ORE" in his zeal.  Most of the other actors manage to avoid shouting, but they do follow this guy's lead of placing emphasis on random words, making lines like, "You're STUPID, JERK-face" and "BUZZ off, BUZZkill" even more laughable.

Hide and Go Shriek is not all fun and games, however, as the film has some of the pitfalls of low-budget slashers.  Overly dark lighting drenches everything in shadows, making it difficult to see what is going on.  Some scenes literally consist of nothing more than murky blackness.  The editing is also poor, with very noticeable jump cuts throughout; it is obvious in some scenes that multiple takes were edited together badly.

The movie suffers from some pacing issues, as well.  When the teens enter the furniture store, they decide to play a game of hide and seek.  This lasts for at least half an hour, making the film drag considerably.  Fortunately, when the teens finally start dying, things pick up a bit, helped along by a killer who dresses in his victims' clothes to lure the other teens in, cackling madly as he runs through the shot, before taking a breather to re-apply his makeup and make comments like, "A housewife's work is never finished."

Hide and Go Shriek is available in both R-rated and unrated versions.  There seems to be little difference between the two, as both run 90 minutes.  The unrated version I saw was neither gory nor scary.  The death scenes were actually rather weak; during most, it was difficult to see what was happening.  The body count was also disappointingly low, especially with "eight fabulous friends!" waiting to be picked off.  Fortunately, though, Hide and Go Shriek is still an enormously entertaining absolute mess.  Fans of '80s cheese will love it.